Claire Bidwell Smith

One of the big questions everyone has been asking me about the book has to do with all the people I write about. Are their names real? Do they know about the book? Do they like the book?

Well, here’s me and my roommate Tricia (pictured left) from Chapter 8. This photo was taken during the time period I write about in that chapter. We’re still friends and she likes the book. You can read Tricia’s blog here.

As for the rest, I’ll start by saying that writing about the people in one’s life is very tricky business. I really wanted to write the most truthful book I could write, yet at the same time I didn’t want to hurt the people I have loved and still love. Therefore, I initially wrote the book without regard to how other people would feel. I had to. If I had written the manuscript thinking about what my ex-boyfriends would think or how my mother-in-law would react, you’d have a VERY different book on your hands. So day after day I put people like that out of my head, and just wrote the book I wanted to write.

Then I sold it and things changed a bit. With the exception of three people, I immediately wrote to everyone I depicted in the book and asked them if it was okay to use their real names. Everyone agreed and I was incredibly grateful.

As for the other three people (West Coast Editor, Colin, and Zoe), those were harder to grapple with. I’m no longer in touch with Colin or Zoe and I doubted that they would feel comfortable with their depictions anyway, so reaching out to them felt pretty pointless. I do wonder if they know about the book or how they’ll feel if they do come across it. I hope that they aren’t terribly hurt but I know that’s probably impossible. The bottom line is that we all have our own truths, our own versions and memories and they’re not always going to line up, especially when it comes to dark times. Regarding West Coast Editor and Big Fancy Magazine, the Penguin legal team had a field day with that stuff and made me disguise it all, lest I get sued. Seemed like a no brainer to me, although I would love to hear your guesses as to the magazine where I so briefly worked!

You can rest assured though that everyone else is who I say they are. Oh, with the exception of Michel from the first chapter. He did ask me to change his name but offered up one that his mother had almost named him. His real name is Deni Y. Bechard and he has a fantastic memoir about his father coming out in May called Cures for Hunger. I’ve had the privilege of reading it already and can assure you that it’s worth pre-ordering.

I sent the book out about three weeks ago to some of the other key figures in the book and have yet to hear back with what they think. I’m trying not to take that as a bad sign, but then again, I can’t imagine what it must be like to read about yourself in a book that’s in the front of every Barnes & Noble in the country. It’s probably pretty weird. I hope they’re doing okay with it.

Lastly, here’s one more photo you might be interested to see. It’s the actual picture that Alvaro took of me and Liz in Spain, that I write about in Chapter Four (read the excerpt here). By the way, Liz still happens to be one of my best friends in the world. She lives in Long Beach and our kids play together often. You can read her blog here.

Have questions about the book? I’d love to hear them. I’m working on an FAQ and would be happy to answer anything you’re wondering about.

Want to buy my book? Do so at any of the above!

I arrived home from New York yesterday afternoon, haggard and harried. In case you’re wondering if any of this book tour stuff is going to my head, rest assured that being a pregnant mom keeps me quite humbled, exhausted, and often too covered in vomit to get wrapped up in swank hotels and room service.

Originally I was supposed to take this trip alone — two nights in the city for a reading and party. But at the last minute I thought it would be fun if Greg and Vera came along, and with some skymile finangling we were able to make it possible. However, it turns out that a two-day whirlwind coast-to-coast trip isn’t the best idea for a toddler. Two six hour flights in 48 hours, coupled with multiple cab rides, dizzying hotel views and a three-hour time change was just a bit much for the poor kid, and in turn, for me & Greg. Did I mention the vomit? Oh, so much of it.

However, all of that, at least for me, was worth the amazing reading I had on Wednesday night at the upper west side Barnes & Noble. The reading was scheduled for 7pm and when I arrived at 6:30 I was shocked to see that more than half of the generous amounts of seats were already full. And not only were they full, but they were full with strangers! I had just assumed that everyone who would be there that night would consist of friends I’d invited, so to see so many people I didn’t know was surprising and totally nerve-wracking.

It was a great reading though. I took a minute in a back room to think about what I wanted to say and I went over the passage I planned to read and then I did it — I walked out on to the stage (stage!) and talked about and read from my book. I was much less nervous than my book soup reading and I read one hundred times better this time too – partly because my cough was gone and partly because I think the experience of recording the audio book really taught me how to read from my book.

Either way, I was proud of pulling it off as well as I did. Public speaking has never been something I’m wildly comfortable with but I’m trying to get better. It was really a great experience. My all-time favorite teacher, Joan Dulchin, the woman I credit with teaching me how to write memoir, was there with some of her students and I was so happy to be able to really pay homage to her and everything she gave to me during my years with her at the New School. And so many of my friends were there too and it just made me so happy to see them all in the audience. Over all I heard there were about 80 people in attendance.

(Me with some friends, including author Krissy Gasbarre. This photo would be perfect if Vera weren’t picking her nose.)

Right as I finished up with the Q&A (wow, so many questions!), Vera yelled “Mama!” and ran up on the stage and it was the sweetest moment. After that I signed books and books and had the nicest (and briefest) little moments and conversations with everyone who waited patiently in line. We headed downtown to the hotel bar for celebratory cocktails afterwards with everyone and then stayed up all night with a sick Vera, getting 2 hours of sleep before heading to the airport early the next morning. Like I said, having a kid ensures that none of this is going to my head.

Now I’m back to my life and back to trying to strike a seemingly impossible balance between just living normally and presently and also keeping up with book publicity and trying not to obsess over how the book is doing. Thank you again for all of your incredible emails and notes and photos. I’m a little behind in my responses, but know that I’ve read every one and each time I just swell with gratitude.

A couple of things:

I have two readings next week. The first is in La Jolla at Warwick’s Bookstore and the second is at the Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica. Please come! I would love to see you there!

Check out this cool interview with me in Interview Magazine: Claire Bidwell Smith’s Literary Inheritance

Want to buy my book? Do so at any of the above!

Greg, Vera and I arrived in New York City yesterday for my big reading tonight, and I’m tapping this out from the tippy-top of my hotel in Soho. The views are, in a word, dizzying.

I would LOVE to see you at my reading tonight, if you’re in the New York area. It starts at 7pm at the Barnes & Noble on 82nd & Broadway. Here are the event details.  Please come out and say hi! Greg and Vera will be there too!