Claire Bidwell Smith

Dear Dad, I’m sitting here in my little house in Los Angeles, wishing more than I have in a long time that you were still here. Some terrible things have happened in our country and I don’t know which way to turn. I feel angry and confused and sad. So, so sad. I suddenly don’t Read more…

Dear Dad, Today is August 5th, 2012. You died nine years ago. Funny, it seems like it was yesterday, and also a lifetime ago. For a long time that evening stayed in my head. The balmy California dusk, the palm trees outside your bedroom window and the sound of kids splashing in the complex pool, Read more…

I spent most of Tuesday down in Orange County, first in Long Beach and then later in Laguna Beach to be part of the Pen on Fire Literary Salon, which was just fantastic. (Side note: I’m so happy to have had the opportunity to get to know the two other writers I was a panelist Read more…

My father died eight years ago today. Rather than focus on his death, I thought I’d concentrate on his life. Below is an excerpt from Chapter Two of my forthcoming book, in which I go into detail about the interesting man he was. My father, Gerald Robert Smith, was born in 1920 in Michigan. One Read more…

The biggest difference between my parent's deaths was the circumstances surrounding them. My mother died in a hospital in D.C. at 3 in the morning. Her sister was with her, but my father and I were not. She had been in that hospital for 6 weeks, undergoing experimental surgeries for "last hope" patients. Two months Read more…

A couple of months ago while I was working on the last chapter of my book I came across some old papers from around the time my father died. In them I found a note I had written reminding myself that my father would like some of his ashes scattered in his hometown of Rogers Read more…

The last time I moved to California I was twenty-four years old. I'd been living in Manhattan's East Village for four years, finishing my BA at the New School and bartending in Union Square. I desperately did not want to leave New York. I had an internship at Time Out New York magazine and had Read more…

Life has suddenly gotten very busy. Thankfully, I thrive on being busy so this kind of breathless activity only enlivens me more, but gosh, when I say busy, I mean really busy. For instance I'm going out of town twice in the next week. First to Nashville, and then to New York. (But more on Read more…

I have a pretty personal essay up over on Courtney Kendrick's blog. It's about how all the loss I've experienced has affected my ideas about the afterlife. You can read it here.

I've been in a funk all week. Just feeling kind of down. Kind of anxious. There are so many reasons. The holidays. Monthly female stuff. The cold, cold temperatures (I'm starting to think there is really something to this seasonal affective disorder). Work stress. General malaise. Yesterday was one of those days that I just Read more…