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Loneliness

date
Sep
25
2013

Thinking About Thinking

I was always a weird kid. When I was in sixth grade I memorized the entirety of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, simply because I loved it. This is a poem that is not only bleak and dark, but one that contains 18 stanzas. I still remember the look of befuddlement on my parents’ faces Read more…

date
Feb
13
2012

Dear Baby: On Feeling Alone, Even When You’re Not

Dear Baby, You are 22 weeks along in my tummy now, with another four months to go, and you’ve been making your presence quite known. Not just visibly (yes, definitely that) but also with all of your seriously active kicks and acrobatics. Pregnancy is so different this time around — not uncommon for second pregnancies Read more…

date
Jun
14
2011

On Remembering Those Quiet Days

After my father died I found myself living alone in his condominium in Orange County. The days following his death were lonely ones. After having lived with him for so long it felt impossibly strange and disquieting to come home to those rooms by myself. I turned on music and opened the patio doors to Read more…

date
Nov
03
2009

Irrevocable Changes

Sure, maybe it's just because I miss him. Or maybe it's that they really do have the same eye color. Or perhaps it's simply that my little daughter with her jowly cheeks and practically-bald head actually looks like an old man. Whatever the case, sometimes I look at Veronica and I get a flash-sense of Read more…

date
Jul
25
2008

Slowing Down

I can’t believe that the wedding is over. That it all actually happened and is said and done for now. I don’t mean that in a mournful way. I think if we had waited a year, it still would have felt immense and swirling and over faster than we thought. I mean more that I Read more…

date
Jul
10
2008

Sitting

Last night I went to the first session of my three-week meditation workshop. I tried meditation for the first time last year, and for a while I was going to private sessions with a wonderful instructor at LA Dharma in Westwood. The experience I had in the couple of months that I was practicing was Read more…

date
Jul
03
2008

Aloneness

Last night Greg went to dinner with his uncle and cousin and I opted to stay in by myself. The second the door shut behind them, the house quiet except for the spatter of rain against the window panes, I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I spent an evening at home alone. Read more…

date
Jun
12
2008

Another Life Lived

I’m back to the thinking about the present moment. I’m generally pretty good at staying present but sometimes I really forget about even trying. Yesterday I went to visit one our patients who lives in an apartment building by the lake. She’s in her 90s and lives all alone and has no family. She’s quite Read more…

date
May
19
2008

The Opposite of Lonely

I had the loveliest weekend. Really, it was one of the best in a long, long time. One of Greg’s older brothers was in town from Cleveland with his wife and their 3 1/2 month old baby. They arrived on Thursday and stayed with us until yesterday morning. I made goat cheese enchiladas on Thursday Read more…

date
Mar
24
2008

Monday Afternoons

This afternoon I went to see a new patient who was admitted over the weekend. She was in her eighties and dying in a nursing home. That was pretty much all I knew. I had received a voice mail from my supervisor telling me that the patient’s family was struggling with the impending loss and Read more…