Claire Bidwell Smith

I’m suddenly very aware that the sand in the hourglass of my pregnancy is swiftly running out. Only six more weeks, which also means I’m entering that time when it feels like it could happen any day, although it’s highly likely that I’ll go until I’m actually full term (June 12). Greg and I have marked this coming weekend as the one to finally get the old baby clothes out of the garage, dust off the bassinet, and face the idea of meeting this new addition quite soon.

Other than that, there isn’t a whole lot to prepare for. The hospital bag is packed and names are picked out. Greg’s parents are booked to arrive two days before my due date (on Vera’s third birthday, no less), and some very sweet friends of ours are throwing us a baby shower in about ten days. As for Veronica, I’m not sure there’s much more to do to prepare her for the coming changes. We’ve read several books over and over about becoming a big sister, and we talk about the baby every day, if not hourly. She still goes back and forth all day long about whether she wants a baby brother or sister and I’m just glad she’s not stuck on one or the other. Glad that I’m not either. At this point I actually feel really exited about having either a boy or a girl.

Also, I’m feeling much better about giving birth. There were a couple of weeks last month when I experienced some serious anxiety about going through the experience again, but something has shifted and I’m actually starting to look forward to it. I had a fantastic birth with Veronica. I had been very focused on having as natural a birth as possible (i.e., laboring without pain medication and birthing without serious medical intervention) and I achieved that goal. I just started to read Vera’s birth story and couldn’t make it through without welling up with tears, so I’ll just let you read it instead.

I’ve been reading that French parenting book, Bringing Up Bebe, which I find totally fascinating and great. The way American parenting looks from the standpoint of this book comes across as pretty silly, and I really agree with a lot of the author’s viewpoints, even realizing that they were some I already shared previous to reading. One paragraph stuck with me the other day though, and it was about how in France women generally welcome an easy, relaxed and medicated birth. For the very first time I saw how working so hard for a natural birth might be a little dramatic. Or at least the book made it seem that way for a brief moment.

However, I still stand by my intention to labor and birth naturally. The experience I had the first time around was profoundly hard and wonderful, and I don’t think I’ve ever been proud of anything else I’ve done (aside from writing a book, maybe). Just in the last week I’ve felt this renewed sense of bravery and ferocity well up in me — perhaps it’s just part of the normal stages of pregnancy that prepare us to do these things — and I’m feeling ready to take on this experience once more.

It’s such a tricky subject though. Natural birth, that is. I want to be clear that I would never look down upon a woman’s decision to go a different route. Giving birth is an extremely personal and individual process and all woman should feel good about how they choose to go about it. We all know what’s best for us and how we need to work with our own bodies. This is just how I want to go about things on my end.

On that note, are you excited to hear my news? Feels like I’ve been blogging about this pregnancy FOREVER. What do you think I’m having?

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The Hardest Job I’ve Ever Had, an essay I wrote on being a caregiver, for Maria Shriver’s website

Did you get my Letter in the Mail from The Rumpus this week? What did you think?

Upcoming Events:

May 15 at 7pm, Pen on Fire Writers Salon: An Evening with Memoirists Claire Bidwell Smith, James Brown & Dinah Lenney

May 31 at 7pm, Reading & Launch Party for Wedding Cake for Breakfast at the Santa Monica Barnes & Noble

Want to buy my book? Do so at any of the above!

Dear Baby,

You’re almost here and I’m not sure I’ve written you even one letter yet. When I was pregnant with your sister I wrote to her weekly, reporting on the pregnancy, speculating on our future together, and describing the little life she was about to be part of with me and your father. But you, my dear, have had an altogether different ride with me so far. The funny thing is that even if I haven’t been writing to you all this time, or wondering as much about who you’ll be or how you’ll fit in, know that you’ve been along with me through one of the most exciting times in my whole life. That’s got to count for something, right?

All this time that you’ve been in my belly, we’ve been flying around the country, doing book readings and signings together, and generally making a spectacle of ourselves. Seems I can’t go anywhere these days without someone having something to say about my swelling belly, and who might be inside of it. Just like when I was pregnant with your sister, everyone (EVERYONE) says that you are a boy. We’ll find out in about six weeks for sure though. Either way, I’m excited to meet you.

I think you’re going to like our life. We live in a little house in Santa Monica, California and we make a point of going to the beach at least three times a week. Our friends are made up primarily of neurotic writers and weird creative types, and I swear there’s someone sleeping on our couch at least once a week. We have two cats, one of which won’t want anything to do with you, and the other of which will be game for pretty much anything you want to do with it. We have a lot of dinner parties, and we know a lot of other parents who have babies and kids that you can be friends with. Your dad and I are both working away on books all the time, which means we’re perpetually broke, but it also means we’re home all the time so you’ll see lots of both of us. You have A LOT of aunts and uncles and cousins. In fact, you are going to be your grandparents’ ninth grandchild. They’re even planning to be here for your birth day.

But the person who is most looking forward to welcoming you home is your sister, Veronica. All day, every day, she talks to you, rubbing my belly and bringing toys over to show you. She showers my tummy with kisses meant for you on an hourly basis, and reports regularly on all the things she’s going to do with you once you’re here (i.e. show you you favorite playgrounds, her collection of princess stuff, introduce you to our “new cat” Foster, and snuggle with you). Her opinion of whether you are a boy or a girl changes on an hourly basis, so I take that to mean that she doesn’t really mind one way or the other.

I have to be honest baby, it utterly dumbfounds me to think of having two children. Partly because I never imagined being a mother to two kids, and partly because I’m flabbergasted by the idea of siblings and have no idea what you two are going to do with each other. I do, at least, have the sense that this shift in our family dynamic is going to irrevocably alter my world view. In a good way. In an amazing way. But nonetheless, I’m pretty prepared to have my world rocked.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I’m working on this really intense book about the after life right now and that every single spiritual person I’ve seen in the last 7 months has told me that there is something VERY special about you, and that everything about my life is going to change in a big way because of you? I always laugh when the astrologer/psychic/acupuncturist/energy healer/medium/ says this, and I tell them, “Every baby is special and changes your life completely.”

Then they shake their heads, emphasizing that this is different and you are something EXTRA special. So, at this point I’m slightly fearful and also excited to find out what your story is, little one. Know that no matter what it is, you’ve got three people here (and probably a lot more) who are very much looking forward to your arrival.

Love,

Mom

p.s. I’m REALLY sick of being pregnant so feel free to come a week or two early.

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I’m really thrilled to announce the publication of Wedding Cake for Breakfast, an anthology about the first year of marriage. Pick it up today and read about my first year with Greg. You can also come out to see me read from it on May 31 at 7pm at the Santa Monica Barnes & Noble. I’m going to be soooo pregnant.

Another event I’m excited about is a salon I’m participating in this month in Laguna Beach. If you’re in Southern California, this is going to be a great evening, and I’d love to see you there. Pen on Fire Writers Salon: May 15th at 7pm.

Here’s an interview with me brought to you by the astoundingly-talented teen book critic Robby Auld.

Here’s an essay I wrote for The Huffington Post on what cancer seemed like at age 14.

I wrote a Letter in the Mail for The Rumpus. It’s being mailed out this weekend, and it’s not too late to subscribe!

 

 

 

Want to buy my book? Do so at any of the above!