Waiting-Searching-Wondering

Greg and I celebrated our four year wedding anniversary last week and I took time to reflect on all that we’ve created in such a short period. Books and homes and babies and cross-country moves. An astounding amount for 48 months.

I can’t decide if it feels like we’ve been married forever or like we did it yesterday, but I do know that none of it would be possible without the equation of the two of us. Or the four of us.

I remember how things felt differently after we were married. Like some big part of my life was over. In a good way. There was a waiting-searching-wondering era that had come to an end. I’d found the person I wanted to move forward with. In all my previous relationships there had been this constant wondering, but with Greg there was only knowing. Once we were married I felt like a whole new chapter of my life was beginning.

And it was.

But that waiting-searching-wondering began again after Veronica was born. I didn’t realize it until Juliette arrived though. Bringing Vera into our life was an astonishing experience and it opened a door into a new period of my life. Veronica’s very existence begged the question, would there be more? Was our family complete?

That’s a hard question to answer in any sense. Is anything ever really complete? Nothing ever quite comes to an end. Nothing is ever quite perfect. There’s always more to add or to take away, to stop or to start.

But I know that the waiting-searching-wondering part of this experience is over. Juliette is here, her little heart ticking along to the seconds on the clock of our life together. What she is moving towards, what we’re all moving towards, I don’t know.

But I do know that now that the four of us are here and together, another door has closed. We have stepped into another room, another phase, a place from which the four of us are complete in some way. The waiting-searching-wondering has been answered. This is us. Where we go from here, I’m not sure. What I am sure about is who we are.

Photos in this post courtesy of my incredibly talented friend Amy Goalen. She lives in Santa Monica and could take amazing photos of your family too.

 

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