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Still Pregnant

Well, it’s Monday and I’m still pregnant.

We made it through Veronica’s third birthday party yesterday — a gathering of over 50 (!) friends with their kids at the park yesterday. You can see all the photos here, although this one pretty much sums it up.

Vera is out with Greg and her grandparents right now and I’m enjoying some quiet time alone in the house. I have this feeling that I won’t be able to go into labor around her, which may or may not be true. But all I know is that I can’t really fathom surrendering to labor while caring for my crazy-sweet-needy-little-girl. I suppose women across the world do this, but all the same, I’m grateful for a little time away from her to just let my body and mind relax.

After they left the house this morning I took a hot shower, did some yoga and then meditated for a while. I realized that I have to face my fears about everything that’s coming. Over and over, I told myself that I can do this, that I can be a mother to two children, that I can welcome this entirely new person into the world and help them find their way. I cried thinking about what a huge thing that is — to shepherd a person into the world — and how hard it’s been to do with just one person so far, let alone two. In some respects I got pregnant cavalierly, and I just want to make sure that the actual birth and welcoming of this new life is more intentional than the conception.

Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes and kind comments. I’ve been reading and loving them all, even if I haven’t been able to respond properly.

 

5 Comments

  1. Your honesty is touching to say the least, Claire. I mean this in a good way, but I don’t read a post of yours without crying. Hoping that this birth is a peaceful one in every way for you and your family!

    Comment by Lynne on June 11, 2012 at 6:19 pm

  2. We’re traveling across country (LA here we come! again! with a 10-month old!) but I just had to pop on here to see how you were doing. As the page loaded up, I kept thinking it’s a boy! it’s a girl! it’s a boy! LOL Anyway, I’m wishing you a peaceful birth and magical days ahead. And no matter what your fears are – you can do it!! :)

    Comment by Liz on June 11, 2012 at 11:13 pm

  3. A son on Father’s Day maybe?

    Hang in there :)

    Comment by Helene on June 12, 2012 at 7:18 am

  4. Dear Claire, I just read your beautiful letter to your daughter for her 3rd. Birthday. It is so nice, one day Veronica will read all those letters and will be so pleased and happy for those great letters were you could tell her all your feelings and fears about her.It`s a gift.
    I wish you for the coming Birth all the luck you can get and once you will hold that little creature in your arms you will be as good and loving a mother to IT as you are to Veronica. We will be thinking of you on our vacation in Cypres next week. I just talked to Thomas, he says hello and wishes you all the best.Love Berti

    Comment by Berti Gilgen on June 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

  5. Dear Claire, I’ve just landed on your website following a link from pinterest. It was about your yummy looking (I’m sure they are very delicious, too!) crescent rolls.

    I wish you very best, this post of yours made me cry. I have a son, and I do regret deeply that I wasn’t brave enough to have a second child.

    This little new person of yours will bring joy and happiness to your family. I wish you a quick delivery.

    Best,

    Nese

    Comment by Nese on June 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

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