Well, it’s Monday and I’m still pregnant.
We made it through Veronica’s third birthday party yesterday — a gathering of over 50 (!) friends with their kids at the park yesterday. You can see all the photos here, although this one pretty much sums it up.
Vera is out with Greg and her grandparents right now and I’m enjoying some quiet time alone in the house. I have this feeling that I won’t be able to go into labor around her, which may or may not be true. But all I know is that I can’t really fathom surrendering to labor while caring for my crazy-sweet-needy-little-girl. I suppose women across the world do this, but all the same, I’m grateful for a little time away from her to just let my body and mind relax.
After they left the house this morning I took a hot shower, did some yoga and then meditated for a while. I realized that I have to face my fears about everything that’s coming. Over and over, I told myself that I can do this, that I can be a mother to two children, that I can welcome this entirely new person into the world and help them find their way. I cried thinking about what a huge thing that is — to shepherd a person into the world — and how hard it’s been to do with just one person so far, let alone two. In some respects I got pregnant cavalierly, and I just want to make sure that the actual birth and welcoming of this new life is more intentional than the conception.
Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes and kind comments. I’ve been reading and loving them all, even if I haven’t been able to respond properly.