It’s early on Saturday morning and I’m sitting here at my desk, wiping tears off my face. Greg and Vera are both still sleeping and I’ve been up for an hour, rereading through my blog posts from three years ago — the month leading up to Veronica’s birth. Gosh, I was so impatient those last weeks! I was going crazy wondering when the baby would arrive and what it would all be like. It’s so different this time around — not that I’m not anticipatory and ready to meet the new baby — but there is just so much more going on to worry about.
It was so strange to read about that last month before I became a mother. I was so caught up in suspense over all the ways my life was going to change and wondering who was inside of me, so it was really quite sweet to read those entries all these years later, knowing that it was my beautiful, wild Vera all that time and that I would simply become a mother just like every woman does when the time comes.
I can hardly believe all that has happened in the last three years. Not just all the growth that Veronica has incurred, but all that we’ve gone through as well — moves, and jobs and books and friends and huge life realizations and plans. I feel definitively older and wiser since having become a parent.
In comparison to three years ago I am definitely just as uncomfortable and obsessed with potential signs of labor, but I also have a million other things going on — essays to write, a book reading event to organize for next week (you should come!), friends in town, Vera’s birthday to plan for, Australian book tour in a couple of months, finances to worry about, a private practice to sustain, and a second book to work on…Life just keeps plowing forward, with this baby coming somewhere in the middle of it all.
I could technically go into labor at any minute. It’s amazing to think about how I’ll be posting baby photos soon and nursing again and slipping my finger into a tiny little hand. I’m most excited about introducing Vera to the baby. That’s the part I really can’t wait for. I took a long bath last night, trying to envision a positive and smooth labor experience, and the big prize at the end of it all was definitely the moment I imagined welcoming V into the hospital room to meet her new little brother or sister.
Stay tuned! Could happen soon!