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Capturing the Present

Yesterday I chased Vera around the back yard, taking pictures of her. Sometimes this feeling wells up in me and I am suddenly desperate to capture how beautiful she is in this moment. Her looks are ever-shifting these days and I know that each day will differ from the last.

She laughed and ran all around the property and I clicked and clicked away. It was 75 degrees and she was overdue for a nap, but it was a moment I was reluctant to relinquish.

Later when I sat looking at these photos, I was struck by how silly it is that I am so afraid of this new baby. Just looking at V’s eyes in these pictures, leaves me with no doubt that I’ll love and obsess over the next one just as much.

Yes, life is infinitely harder these days. Vera was up twice in the night, eventually ending up in bed with us, where we all slept in a tangled, restless mess until we shoved the covers off at the last minute in order to begin our frantic day. All the same, it’s so easy to love her.

So I’m grateful for the brief moments in which my anxiety abates, in which I know, however briefly, that I can do this again.

9 Comments

  1. I remember wondering if I could ever love my second as well and as fiercely as my first – and it turned out that what everyone said was true, that the capacity to love like that is ever-expanding. I have no doubt that you will be not only smitten by this new little one, but even more overjoyed at the way their relationship will unfold. Seeing and feeling my childrens’ love for one another is the best feeling I can imagine.

    Comment by Lisa Lilienthal on January 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

  2. BTW she is just more and more gorgeous. Those eyes! I had to look through the pictures again just to see them.

    Comment by Lisa Lilienthal on January 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

  3. I was too young of a parent to think of that but when I had my first grandchild I thought nothing ever gets better than this. In some ways I think I didn’t even want a second one. Well then the second one came along and I thought wow. It didn’t “get better” it multiplied in a way I can’t put into words. He is the little guy I am raising (and like you in some ways I can’t imagine him without me since his mom walked out and dad died) and then the third came along.

    Gorgeous pictures :-)

    Comment by Helene on January 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

  4. Oh, thank you Helene. I can only imagine the fierce love you have for your little ones.

    Comment by Claire Bidwell Smith on January 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

  5. Oh, this is good to hear Lisa. I’m really getting more and more excited to meet whoever is in my tummy!

    Comment by Claire Bidwell Smith on January 28, 2012 at 7:39 am

  6. She is so beautiful. I remember bring so sad to give up what I had with my first daughter. However once my second came all fears were gone. While things were different, they were still beautiful, now times two.

    Comment by Vanessa on January 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

  7. Claire, that last photo is just gorgeous!

    Comment by Anne Brown on January 31, 2012 at 5:25 am

  8. Aw, thanks Anne!

    Comment by Claire Bidwell Smith on January 31, 2012 at 2:01 pm

  9. Thank you, Vanessa! I’m hopeful that these fears will dissipate when the baby is actually here!

    Comment by Claire Bidwell Smith on January 31, 2012 at 2:09 pm

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