Posted May 09, 2011 by
You are 23 months old, just shy of two years! I can't believe how fast it's gone, even though the depth of our lives since you arrived is undeniable.
Yesterday was Mother's Day and I spent some time thinking about myself as a mother. I think it's easier to be a mediocre parent, harder to be a great one. I think there are moments where I shine as a mom, but sometimes we are all just getting by. That's life though, isn't it?
I'm happy being a mom though. I can't imagine not being one. Your existence has added vast importance to my life. Your presence has given me perspective and pause and motion, all at once. Our relationship has changed everything about the way I think about my own parents, and for that I couldn't be more grateful. You have given them back to me a hundred times over, and that, my dear, has healed me in more ways than I can say.
As for you, where do I even begin? You are an utter force. You have blindsided your Dad and I with how smart you are. Your language evolves more every single day, and the pleasure of carrying on a conversation with you these days is greater than anything else that brings me joy. It's not just that you're speaking in 6 and 7 word sentences but that you've mastered words like "our" — "That's our new car," you say as I open the door of it to put the parking meter slip on the dash. And the dynamic use of the word "like" — for instance this morning when you requested to smell my flower-shaped earrings. When I asked you what they smell like you replied, "Like Cape Cod."
In the last six weeks you've started to tell your father and me that you love us, saying it so sweetly when we put you down for bed. "Goodnight, mama. I love you." It's acutely surprising and utterly heartbreaking each time.
As I write this your dad is at the playground with you and I am staring idly around at this apartment we are about to leave. In three weeks we will get in the car and drive to California to begin a new life. It will be an adventure for all of us, and we'll each change and grow in more ways than I know any of us can imagine.
You'll turn two in Los Angeles and we already have a party planned, the invitations sent out. Oh, and we're getting you a dollhouse. I hope you like it. A few years from now you'll probably get surf lessons and a pink wet suit.
Anyway, I just want to say thank you for making me a mother. In so many ways, you've completed me.
All my love,