Posted January 24, 2011 by
Today marks 14 years since my mother died. In just a few more years I will have been alive without her as long as I was with her. I dread that date so much. There is something so profoundly sad about that idea to me. Each year on her death anniversary I silently calculate how many years I have left before I hit that milestone. In this case, only 4.
I'll write her a letter today, like I do every year. I've been doing this since the very first year, and it's usually the only time I ever write to her. Maybe because of that, it never ceases to be an emotional experience. I always feel like for this one brief time period in which I am writing to her, she can hear me. Each year I update her on the last year of my life. One year I had to tell her that my dad had died. Another year I got to tell her that I was married. Last year I told her about becoming a mother. This year I'll write to her about my book.
Speaking of my book, I'm headed to New York tomorrow on what is pretty much my dream trip. I'll be having dinner with my agent and editor on Tuesday night and then meeting with my publishing team at Penguin on Wednesday. In between those I'm going to attempt to see about a dozen friends. Greg is coming as well and has his own exciting meetings (that I can't talk about right now). Veronica will stay in Chicago with her grandmother for the two days that we'll be gone.
I'm definitely stressed out about leaving her twice in one week. Prior to this past weekend when I went to Nashville, I'd only left her on two separate occasions. And now twice in 5 days. She did great over the weekend with her dad though, and I know that she will have a really fun time with her grandmother. I'm probably the one who has a harder time with these brief separations. (I totally had to duck out of lunch one afternoon in Nashville and cry by some vending machines in a hotel lobby because I felt so bad about being away from her.) But now I'm home and she seems totally unfazed by my absence and is her usual happy self.
Nashville was fantastic. It was so rejuvenating to spend a couple of days with three of my oldest friends, and to just step outside of my life for a moment. It helped that Nashville is incredibly cool and stocked with totally hip restaurants and bars and other craziness. You can see my photo set from the trip here.
So anyway, I may not update again until the end of the week when I get back from New York, but you can always check Twitter for updates. Hope everyone is having a good week!