Posted October 01, 2010 by
conducting my life. I've come to realize that I've been spending a lot of time
analyzing how I'm going about things, and trying desperately to figure out a way to
balance it all. Most days I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm just
barely making it through to bedtime.
in a blur. I feel one step behind everything that is unfolding. I'm
struggling to keep up. It's like the end of a Tetris game when all the pieces are coming so fast and so close together. I just can't keep up. I fantasize regularly about pressing a pause
button, about what it would be like to see it all
freeze, and to stand there in the middle of it just breathing.
to pause everything about who I am right now, and really, truly have
time to take a good hard look at it. To see what I can improve, what I
can do away with, what I can do better.
every time I get into this chain of thoughts.
comes to most areas of my life, I'm doing them just good
enough. Not bad. Not great. But just good enough.
used to be. In fact, I'm just barely keeping afloat, maintaining a
good enough level of care and effort in my work.
lot more I would like to do here, to say, to create. But what you see
is what I am able to eek out. It's enough to keep things interesting,
but it's not what it could be.
certainly not in a bad place, but we could be better. We could spend
more time together, enjoy each other more. We could think of each other
more often. We could stop reminding each other that
we're in an industrious time in our life together, and just make more
of an effort.
There are so many projects, so many books and essays and articles and
outlets I want to work on, but I am only able to devote short bursts of
time to the biggest of them all, letting the
rest slip, regrettfully through my fingers.
bare minimum to keep our friendships current. I want to be making more dinner dates, sending more
emails, making more calls, planning more visits, simply returning more texts
in a timely fashion.
lord, don't even get me started on this one. Suffice to say that I'm
probably going to die of a collapsed lung in the 5K I'm running on
My meditation and yoga practice?
I'm even a bad cat owner these days. And don't get me started on the poor house plants.
You know it. Veronica.
all to. The only thing that isn't getting the good enough treatment. And
she's the only thing I'm doing these days that I feel like I can be proud of.
than enough. Being a great mom and giving everything to my daughter
should nix out all the other stuff, right?
and not all the time, at least. I miss being really good at my job. I
miss the rich and passionate relationship I used to have with my
husband. I miss working my butt off on being a writer.
I miss being a really good friend. I miss yoga. And regular exercise.
And all the rest of it.
out a way to have it all. I refuse to believe that becoming a parent
means that the rest of your life has to disintegrate.
But I also want to be a GREAT wife, and an amazing writer, an
indespensible co-worker, a loving and attentive friend, a caring cat owner and houseplant caretaker, and I want to
create time and energy for things like yoga and meditation.
So, Internet, hear me now. This is my
new goal. To put a stop to the good enough syndrome that has taken over my life.
Fall is upon us. A new season. A new era. And I'm taking this
opportunity to explore how I can do this, how I can have it all. Piece
by piece, I'm going to pick away at these
areas of my life that are suffering. I'm going to make each one into a
project and I'm going to defeat the good enough syndrome that has taken
over my life. I don't care if I have to make pie charts and learn Excel, I'm going to do this.
suggestions for how to balance all the parts of your life, I'm all ears.