I've been a bad blogger lately.
There are several reasons behind this, but even they're good ones I still feel like I've got some work to do, some repairs to make, maybe even some apologies to write.
This past June marked seven years since I've been blogging. That's a long time! When I first started writing here it was this huge outlet. I'd been out of school for a year and wasn't doing much writing anymore. I was living in a new city and my father was dying. I had a lot to write about, and typing these words out into some anonymous void felt incredibly cathartic.
The next seven years of blogging ebbed and flowed. Some years, some months or days this place was my only refuge. Sometimes it was less dramatic than that, simply becoming a place where I've been able to spin out thoughts, or keep track of things. Blogging has opened strange doors and allowed wonderful and interesting people to walk into my life. Blogging has also been difficult sometimes and felt like a burden.
These days I have a hard time figuring out what to do here. There are so many people from so many different eras of my life who read this blog, and as much as I wish I could, I can't always write as freely as I'd like to for fear of hurting or offending some of them. But that makes me sad and it makes me wonder what the point of it all is.
This place is for me. It's simply a place for me to write about my life and to untangle the thoughts in my head. I feel honored and grateful that some people enjoy the things I write about, but above all I don't want to lose sight of the original purpose of this blog.
You've probably noticed that over the last 6 months I've been doing a fair amount of reviews and give-aways. Hopefully they're not too annoying. That kind of blogging actually pays bills and for that reason, I just can't turn it down. But that said, I know that if I'm going to post reviews and give-aways I need to write even more of the real stuff here.
This brings me to my point. One of the main reasons I've been so absent here, aside from the TODDLER and from the studying I've been doing for my state licensing exams (I passed!!), is that I've been writing. A lot.
Just not here.
I'm working on my book again, and it's going so well that I actually feel like I can tell you about it. On and off, over the last 6 years I've been working on a memoir. The version I'm now writing is actually the third version, but I feel utterly confident that this is finally the one. I can't tell you how thrilling that is to say.
So, in my spare time — what little, little spare time I have, all of it eeked out here and there during Veronica's 1 hour nap sessions — I write. I started writing like this in March and I now have more than half of the book completed. I have the entire thing outlined and figured out, and it all just feels so right.
But because I use the little periods of time that I have each day to work on the book, this place, my blog, has really come to suffer for it. Sometimes I try to blog at night, like I'm doing right now, but usually I'm so tired that I can't even think clearly, and worse than that there is usually laundry to put away or emails to return, bills to pay and freelance work to finish up.
All of that said, I really do vow to work harder on keeping up this blog. I miss it and I really value the place it's been in my life, everything that it's given me and all that I've given to it. Hopefully you'll see a lot more of me, the real me, here in the coming months.