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Relief

My post last Friday was born out of a lot of anxiety I experienced following an ultrasound I had on Friday morning. But I found out today that there is nothing to worry about.

I went for a check-up with my midwife last week and told her about some cramping I was experiencing so she sent me for an ultrasound to check things out. Being who I am and having the family history that I do, I got a little over-anxious.

On Friday, during the ultrasound, the tech spotted something small on my remaining ovary. Even though I knew it could very well be nothing to worry about I couldn't help but dissolve into a mess for the rest of the morning. I immediately thought about all the worst case scenarios.

The first one was that I had ovarian cancer and would be dead in 6 months and my little girl would never remember her mother.

The second was that I would have to have my ovary removed and would never be able to have any more children. There are a lot of variables to work with in this scenario but it still felt like a pretty terrible idea.

And finally on Friday, after I'd cried in bed for an hour, I took a shower and decided to stop worrying about it. And I really did. I hardly thought about it all weekend or yesterday. And this morning when I drove to the medical center to see the midwife I just felt sure that everything would be fine.

And it was. I most likely have another small dermoid cyst, but it's so small that it could even be an old, collapsed cyst or even just a follicle. It's certainly nothing scary. I go back in 3 months for a follow-up ultrasound to see if it's gotten any bigger.

The funny thing is that Greg and I both wondered if the doctor might tell me that if I want to have more children I should start trying right away. And we were both like, okay. And I meant it. If I'd gone in this morning and the doctor had told me that I would have come home and started trying tonight! But that said, I'm relieved that we can wait a while.

In the first 6 weeks after V was born I remember thinking that I didn't want to have another baby for a LONG time and that I could even understand why some people just have one. But now, 5 months in, Veronica has won me over so much that I can say that I absolutely want to have more babies and would be really devastated if I found out that I couldn't.

I can certifiably say that having my daughter has been the best thing I've ever done. (And that I'm really relieved that I'm not on my deathbed.)

4 Comments

  1. Sometimes it takes a scare of that magnitude to bring even more perspective to a beautiful life already in process. So glad everything is OK!

    Comment by Carroll on October 20, 2009 at 11:18 am

  2. I’ve had many breast cancer scares, so I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for your honesty.

    Comment by Evelyn Lauer on October 21, 2009 at 3:45 pm

  3. I’m so glad, Claire!!! This post made me teary til the half, but the rest made me smile and relieved myself also. And, for the third day, I am hearing this statement “having my daughter has been the best thing I’ve ever done” from three different people. And I am glad to hear that also!

    Comment by Sarah Chang on October 21, 2009 at 3:53 pm

  4. Thanks, gals!

    Comment by Claire Bidwell Smith on October 22, 2009 at 8:05 am

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