More Dreams

Last night I woke at 4AM from a dream about being in California and having dinner with this nice couple we met when we were in Costa Rica. I lay awake for a while in the early morning gloom, feeling my heart beating softly in my chest, Greg’s solid presence warm beside me. This is the second morning I’ve woken at 4AM.

I fell asleep again eventually and woke again at 7:30. After Greg left I lay in bed for a while longer staring up at the ceiling and thinking. I think the biggest part of my problem these days is that I have a hard time just living. I have a hard time simply being. If something dreadful or something unbearably wonderful isn’t happening, if I’m not standing on the top of a mountain in Taiwan or trekking through the rain forest in Costa Rica, if it’s just a normal day and the clock is ticking slowly by in my life, I begin to feel caged and silent.

This, I think, is my challenge and my work: to find peace and meaning and light within the day to day unspooling of my life.

In other news, my dear friend Herb Jordan is coming for dinner tonight. He’s flying in from Los Angeles today, staying a night here with us, and then continuing on to Italy tomorrow.  Jordan (as he likes to be called) and I met when I was working at 826LA and our friendship slowly evolved from there. We began meeting for regular dinners throughout my last couple of years in LA, after running into each other in the same yoga class.

My dinners with Jordan were always some of the most restorative and uplifting evenings of my month. He’s one of those people that is just so full of life and light and magic that just being around him seemingly fills you with the same. It’s been well over a year since I’ve seen him now and I’m really looking forward to an evening in his company. I’m making butternut squash soup, an heirloom tomato salad and bread pudding. We also just got a fabulous shipment of wine from Beckman Vineyards and I can’t wait to open a bottle.

And tomorrow night, Greg’s friend, writer Tyler Stoddard Smith, is coming to dinner. He’s also briefly in town and we’re both looking forward to spending an evening with him. My menu for tomorrow is quite different than tonight’s: grilled steaks, twice-baked potatoes, spinach souffle and an as of yet, undetermined chocolate dessert.

Other than some writing this morning, my main goal is to enjoy my normal day.

1 comment

One Comment

  • Francesca
    Posted October 3, 2008 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    Dude, I know it sounds weird, but that happened to me about two years ago-It means: You are supposed to be meditating…Try it, you go back to sleep, and it feels just like it did when you were little-after playing outside all day- SO-O-O-O lovely & peaceful….Try it tonight! (Also, now have internet crush on Tyler…(!!)

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