A girlfriend and I pretty much ended a friendship this week. And I’m still not really sure why. We started having big communication problems while she was planning her wedding this past spring and things between us just spiraled as her wedding date neared, both of us feeling a little more misunderstood and a little more hurt every time we spoke.
I don’t know what it is about weddings that makes everyone crazy. And I mean everyone. If you weren’t crazy when this friend got married then you will be with that one. Families get upset, girlfriends feud, sons and daughters argue with their parents, fiances disagree with their fiancees, and almost everyone cries.
I’ve been a terrible friend on at least one occasion during a friend’s wedding — simply not being in a place in my life that allowed me to be happy for her. Her wedding and pregnancy making me feel left out and abandoned, when really everything was making me feel that way and she didn’t need to take the blame for it. I’ve disapproved of boyfriends and husbands, moves, babies and weddings, and I’ve hurt friends and myself through the process.
And all of it has happened right back to me, each time only serving to emphasize how terrible I must have made someone feel because it just feels awful when it happens to you.
I continue to be amazed by how much stuff we project onto the idea of a marriage. It’s truly remarkable. The expectations that people have for this one event — a 4 to 8 hour wedding — really take on a life of their own.
As I near the day of my own wedding, I’ve become increasingly grateful that we’ve chosen such a small affair. As much as I thought I might have wanted a grand, swirling day filled with everyone I know, I think that doing it this way will allow for a lot more peace and simplicity, a lot more space and intimacy. And will hopefully cut down my chances of losing any more friends! For all our sakes, I think this is going to be a good thing.
Greg and I have the rest of our lives to share our marriage with those we love. July 19th will be a day just for us.